Somewhere out there, someone has described a wine as tasting of "wet stone", "forest floor" or "a saddle left out in the rain". We're not making those up. Wine writing can get gloriously carried away.
Why the waffle happens
Our brains genuinely struggle to put smells and tastes into words, so people reach for metaphors. Occasionally beautiful. Often bonkers.
How to describe wine without being a bore
Stick to three simple questions: Is it light or heavy? Is it fruity or savoury? Do you want another sip? Answer those honestly and you've written a more useful tasting note than most of the professionals.
Our house style
We prefer notes like "pairs beautifully with cancelling your plans" and "drinks like a tenner more than it costs". If it makes you smile and helps you choose, it's done its job.
Life's too short for pretentious wine waffle. Taste it, enjoy it, describe it however you like.
Quick Questions
How do I describe wine without sounding pretentious?
Answer three questions: is it light or heavy, fruity or savoury, and do you want another sip? That's a more useful tasting note than most jargon.
Why do tasting notes mention weird things like 'wet stone'?
Because taste and smell are hard to put into words, so people reach for metaphors. It's fun, occasionally useful, and often gloriously over the top.